OFCOURSENOT
INT. Sudo's Room - Night
Sudo is sitting in his chair. Typing, and talking at the same time as he's typing. To a "person" sitting behind him on the bed. But without turning and looking. The person is Other.
OTHER
Fuck this, I'm clearing this shit off and sitting in a chair.
SUDO
What's wrong with my bed?
OTHER
Besides the fact that the sheets haven't been washed in months?
SUDO
Yeah, besides that.
OTHER
Could you at least look at me, a charade needs a facade.
SUDO
I suppose.
He turns around, and hits the vapes, passes to him. He hits.
OTHER
Women don't like the vapes.
SUDO
Nor guys. It's complicated, I know.
OTHER
People are scared of change.
SUDO
It's also ugly, like everything in here.
OTHER
Oh, but what about the lovely duct tape theme?
SUDO
It is my favorite adhesive and mender.
OTHER
So... What are we doing here?
SUDO
Oh... You know... I can't blog.
OTHER
Ah yes, your stories.
SUDO
No my stories are not lonely housewife fair.
OTHER
Nor stories.
SUDO
That too.
OTHER
But the word is yours to command.
SUDO
Yes! Do what I say!
Everything turns out great.
OTHER
Did it work?
SUDO
No.
Sudo appears melancholy, they pass the tube silently between them while they listen to Sam Cooke and the Soul Stirrers.
SUDO
You know, I love her...
OTHER
Which her?
SUDO
I don't even know any more...
OTHER
You only say that because you know that I can sense flippancy.
SUDO
You should, you created it.
OTHER
Oh, yeah, that's right.
SUDO
You know, I think I just figured out what the fuck you are.
OTHER
Finally. Baited breath.
SUDO
You're like a conscience, because you propell me.
OTHER
And for some reason you listen to me.
SUDO
Yes, because it's the "right" thing, the healthy thing.
OTHER
Follow your conscience.
SUDO
Or a cricket, or a voice in your head...
OTHER
...or whatever.
He holds up a hand to shush him.
SUDO
My favorite song.
Sam Cooke's How Far to Canaan. He starts to sing. Other does a baritone backup.
SUDO
Okay, one more time.
They switch singing roles.
SUDO
Naw, I want to be Sam.
He mouses around.
SUDO
Okay, now I gotta start it from the beginning.
Restarts. Keeps replaying the part 10 seconds from the start. Stops song.
SUDO
What the fuck is a "derdum?"
Gets dictionary out. Flips around, restarts song, continues to flip around. Gives up.
SUDO
Now I want to record. And if I had a woman.
OTHER
You couldn't!
SUDO
How true. How true.
OTHER
Hell, I couldn't be here.
SUDO
That too. That too.
OTHER
You know what you really want to do...
SUDO
I do... I do...
OTHER
FUCK IT. I'm your subconscience.
SUDO
Subconsciously I want to sing.
Other
Not even a song people want to hear.
SUDO
But I want to sing.
OTHER
And there's a bit more time.
SUDO
Till I must sleep.
OTHER
And must get up.
SUDO
And work.
OTHER
Over there.
SUDO
Wish I.
OTHER
Troubles over.
SUDO
Troubles over...
OTHER
This isn't over.
SUDO
No. I didn't even get to my idea.
OTHER
Whenever would you have the time?
SUDO
To get to it or to do it?
OTHER
Just say it.
SUDO
Now you're hyping it. I don't want it hyped.
OTHER
You are impossible.
SUDO
No, I am... Wait...
OTHER
Gee, I wonder why you said that all of the sudden.
SUDO
Curses.
OTHER
Oh, whatever, I'm just giving you closure.
SUDO
Oh, you're letting me hate you so I can leave?
OTHER
How many women are there right now.
SUDO
In reality? None.
OTHER
Brewing in the mind?
SUDO
Oh... God... Lately, at least 5.
OTHER
So, if you mention it, at least...
SUDO
Yes, my chances will diminish of it being done.
OTHER
But that's not so bad in hindsight.
SUDO
Don't want to Martin Lawrence with a plate too full.
OTHER
And he quit the ganj.
SUDO
So sad.
OTHER
You know who could play me?
SUDO
Who?
OTHER
Why, you...
SUDO
Huh... What an idea.
OTHER
Like recording the back-ups and then recording the lead.
SUDO
Ah, but I have a constant.
OTHER
Record first ... Wait. Too much work.
SUDO
Yes.
OTHER
What was the idea.
SUDO
Oh. I'd take every stitch I ever writ about her.
OTHER
The "her" finally being relavent to the story at hand.
SUDO
Such a sick bastard, nearly 2 years, so dysfunctional.
OTHER
Just enough slack, jack.
SUDO
Then I compile it, and send it to her.
OTHER
But you could include her letters too..., and non-psuedonymize.
SUDO
Yes, far easier. Then, maybe I'd take her stuff out...
OTHER
But you already know there are letters that compile entirely...
SUDO
Off of her letter, so much so that removing that text would be...
OTHER
Nearly impossible, not to mention a pain.
SUDO
How many, can you count?
OTHER
You don't want to?
SUDO
No. I prefer them floating ephemeral in my miasmic mind.
OTHER
You want to record...
SUDO
Mmm, as soon as these vapes kill.
OTHER
A master of efficiency. If the comp is slow.
SUDO
I draw. If the pen runs out, or no paper...
OTHER
Then back to the computer.
SUDO
Alstwhile, upon the vapes.
OTHER
Thinking of her.
SUDO
And her. And her.
OTHER
Three?
SUDO
No. More like two.
OTHER
Two?
SUDO
Wait... Oh yeah, three, but really two.
OTHER
And...
SUDO
Yeah, really just one.
OTHER
And...
SUDO
She ain't going to.
OTHER
You are such a sad sack of shit.
SUDO
What makes you think you can get away with that?
OTHER
Closure!
SUDO
Oh... Right, always considerate.
OTHER
Aren't I?
SUDO
Further, you take less weed to entertain.
OTHER
And you get so much more done.
SUDO
Mmm. But ... "Must jesus bear..."
Simultaneously there is the sound of his/their singing all the while he's hitting the vapors.
SUDO
I bet you that god space is closed to that primary, survival instinct.
OTHER
Why?
SUDO
I dunno. Every time I hear this album...
OTHER
What?
SUDO
I don't get further in love, or even rekindle one with One.
OTHER
But music.
SUDO
Oh, yes. Music. Sweet beautiful music.
OTHER
Except this song.
SUDO
Eh... On occassion. Yes, skip 15, go to 16.
OTHER
No way you could get 8 through 15 by now.
SUDO
Were this acted, you mean?
OTHER
Of course.
SUDO
I don't know if my directorial mentor, of sorts, would approve.
OTHER
He hates pornography, what does he know.
SUDO
But I do agree that wall-to-wall carpetting is no way
of applying...
OTHER
You didn't skip, did you...
SUDO
No. Now I'm on 17. Where did that, when did...?
OTHER
And now your mind is completely distracted by Shakespeare.
SUDO
Well, he wrote in verse, how cool is that?
OTHER
He wrote in meter, but whatever. You're two liner thing
is nothing special.
SUDO
But it is fun from time to time, for I feel I never get to
make especially long sentences.
OTHER
Why write a sentence too long to be seen on the screen
in one line, when it can be in two lines,
or even three lines.
SUDO
I'm already at song 18.
OTHER
The vapes are struggling.
SUDO
Good. I want to fucking sing.
OTHER
Dude, what of the fact...
SUDO
What of it?
OTHER
The girl, which girl, any girl?
SUDO
What, can't I be a pervert alone?
OTHER
Uh... That's usually the idea.
SUDO
All the better, I can wake up with myself...
OTHER
And can trust yourself.
SUDO
As opposed to women. Can't trust 'em.
OTHER
Not a one.
SUDO
Or men.
OTHER
Not a one, neither.
SUDO
You can't trust anyone, can you?
OTHER
Nope, nope. Heliotrope.
Sudo flips again through the dictionary.
SUDO
Huh, I'm not an idiot.
OTHER
Let's give up on the vapes, it's already "a change gonna come."
SUDO
In other words, a time's about up.
OTHER
Yup, for you will record.
SUDO
That I will.