Chapter 9
EXT. -- somewhere naturesque -- day
Mary is standing beside Sudo. Sudo is inspecting a plant, sniffing it, looking up-close at its plant-parts. Mary seems content.
MARY
You don't even know where you are...
Sudo feels a leafy, plant extremity.
SUDO
No, not really.
MARY
Is this a problem?
SUDO
Not really.
MARY
You've never been here before...
SUDO
Well, i recognized most of the route. But after the freeway... Not
so much.
MARY
You have this beautiful nature so close to you, and you don't even know it.
SUDO
Tragic, I know. But do you always see the things you should appreciate?
MARY
(short pause)
Whatever.
Sudo laughs.
SUDO
"Whatever" yourself! True to character, you are!
MARY
Alright well I don't get that whole dealie...
SUDO
I love it!
Sudo laughs harder, she laughs with him.
MARY
What?
SUDO
Nothing, you don't see any purple mushrooms, do you?
MARY
No... Why, you got some?
SUDO
Nevermind... Ah yes, nature is lovely when noticed.
MARY
You should notice it all the time.
SUDO
Well, of course i should. But I'm too busy for such things...
(short pause)
I mean really, what does one get out of the olfactory stimulation from flora?
MARY
There's more too it than "smelling the flowers."
SUDO
I suppose you're going to wave your hand and make the trees talk.
MARY
Noooo... I wish...
SUDO
You ever hugged a tree?
MARY
Of course!
SUDO
I love it!
Wraps hand in sweater sleeve, makes a squirrel that pokes over his other arm; he hides his face behind it.
SUDO
(squirrel voice)
Will you make the squirrels talk too?
MARY
Why of course, little squirrel.
She pets the squirrel, it moves to her hand, immitating an animal receiving affection. His hand pokes out of the "squirrel" and holds her hand. Their eyes meet, her eyes shy away, but she doesn't take away her hand. (Yeah, yeah, i know its 40s melodrama, sue me.) She composes herself and pulls his naked hand towards her.
MARY
Why Mr. Squirrel have you no decency?
Sudo's hand does its best at a "double-take," it "looks around," and then hides in his pocket. Sudo then shivers like he has a squirrel in his pants. But the physical comedy ends there.
MARY
I'm... feelin pretty good right now... how about you?
SUDO
Oh, i'm always feeling good.
MARY
Oh really?
SUDO
To varying degrees.
MARY
Hey you know what's weird?
SUDO
(broad smile)
No, what's weird?
MARY
Do you really want to know?
SUDO
I really want to know...
MARY
It's about plants. And how happy plants grow faster, but its involved...
SUDO
Is it?
MARY
Oh yes, i had it explained to me once, took 3 hours.
SUDO
Were you convince at the end?
MARY
Well, I'm pretty sure blahblah, you know blahblah.
SUDO
Oh right, not blah from blah.
MARY
But blah's blah, as in i know her through blah.
SUDO
right...
MARY
Anyway, blahblah was just babbling drunk, plants don't have feelings!
She laughs and hits him in the arm.
MARY
Hmmm...
Gets look like she's thinking of something.
SUDO
Another round?
MARY
Well... I'll pack the next.
SUDO
If it will make you feel better.
MARY
It will.
Scene end.
INT. -- Sudo's car -- day
Sudo is driving, music is on, but volume is down. They look at each other. They look to the road. Not noticing him, she plays with hair, and bites her lip. He sees her, and rolls his eyes. Then unconciously he bites his lip. Then shakes head as if frustrated with himself. She turns to him with a few strands of her long hair in her mouth, quickly,as if interrupted, then smiles. He smiles widely and loses the furstartion.
SUDO
So... How are things...
MARY
What things?
SUDO
The things you tell people about when you are asked how they are.
MARY
I dunno... I guess me and...
They hit a bump in the road as she says his name, the noise distorts too much.
SUDO
Who's that?
MARY
My boyfriend!
SUDO
Oh, you mean O--...oh, yeah, yeah, sure.
MARY
Well he's back...
SUDO
With or without the help of mountain beavers?
MARY
What beavers? He's into foreign language.
SUDO
Really...
MARY
Yes, and he's doing his thesis on the Montaigne, southern french dialect.
SUDO
Really?
MARY
Yes, in fact he was studying the local accents and variants of the "be"
verbs.
SUDO
I see, he was studying Montaigne be-verbs!
MARY
Exactly!
SUDO
That would explain for the french-man...
MARY
His professor, Avril Lange.
SUDO
So, was he ever trapped under an avalanche?
MARY
(she turns away)
Its why I had to eventually leave him.
Sudo is alerted by the radio.
RADIO DJ
Hey you, turn up the radio!
Sudo turns up the radio.
DJ
We got a new krunktatious single by the Purple Mushrooms.
SUDO
Right on, this song is dope.
DJ
It's called "stop the madness, where did we go so wrong?"
Music goes on in the background, its a song that could also be called "Ballad of the Mountain Beavers." Sudo and Mary are not interested in it though.
SUDO
So he's back?
MARY
He never really left.
SUDO
Didn't he?
MARY
Oh, wait, nope, now I remember, yeah, he's gone.
SUDO
Really?
MARY
Yep, i just forgot, i had to wait for it to go from short-term memmory to long-term.
SUDO
That's wonderful!
MARY
Oh yeah? Why?
SUDO
Why do you think?
MARY
Why is it wonderful?
SUDO
We should listen to this song.
Sudo pushes a tape into the cassette player, its playing "Wonderful, Wonderful" by Johnny Mathis. He sings along with the song to her. Never missing a beat, he pulls the car over, and it happens to be right by the beach. They climb over a little hill and they're on the shore in seconds. The song continues even though they are out of the car. He leads her in true musical form. It culminates on a rock on the beach, he finishes the song with her in his arms, and then he kisses her passionately. They are still embracing, yet we hear their voice-over.
MARY
You're going to have to wake up soon.
SUDO
I know, I know...
MARY
I did a much better job this time, didn't I?
SUDO
Yes, much more convincing.
Fade out slowly...
INT. -- Sudo's room -- night
Sudo wakes up with a fright.
SUDO
That was no sitcom shenanagen! It was you!
In poofs Other.
OTHER
You got me. I was getting to play the
(with accent)
actor.
(with other accent)
But, uh, you know, I aint no...
SUDO
Stop right there. No "fitty" references up in here.
OTHER
Fair enough.
SUDO
Passe, gouche, uber-faux pas.
OTHER
Why, am I here?
SUDO
Damn it, its my own fault.
OTHER
Ah yes, it is, isn't it?
SUDO
You can get into my dreams?
Other looks at him.
SUDO
Okay, okay, goes with the territory, I get you.
OTHER
Now then, should I be Mary again?
SUDO
No... Ew, no! See, now you've just ruined it for me.
OTHER
How?
SUDO
I... Oh, nevermind.
From behind his back, Other provides pipe and lighter. Other smiles. Sudo smiles.
SUDO
Ah old friend...
OTHER
(interrupting)
What old friend, you have me around for a month or two, and then this cameo...
SUDO
Old friend...
OTHER
...out of the blue, and like, I could have been on other projects...
SUDO
So, anyway, how the hell am I supposed to tell the dream world...
OTHER
...from the waking world?
SUDO
Yeah, I didn't see a single purple mushroom.
OTHER
I suppose you've heard of a band called the Purple Mushrooms?
SUDO
Well... No...
OTHER
There you go.
SUDO
So when you came the last time, did you give me any advice?
OTHER
Or just say hello?
SUDO
I don't remember...
OTHER
So I should?
SUDO
Who cares! The point is, should i continue?
OTHER
Continue doing what? So far everything was actually done with me.
SUDO
Damn it!
OTHER
Sudo, guy, whatever, you know, how I feel?
SUDO
No.
OTHER
Well, then, that's cause you don't know how you feel, but...
SUDO
Buuut...
OTHER
But, you shouldn't worry cause I'll tell you what to do in the end.
SUDO
Really?
OTHER
Or rather, I'll help you through what you don't do.
SUDO
Is that right!
OTHER
Yes.
SUDO
Hey, can't I, like, "unsummon" you.
OTHER
Psht! Whatever, there's other places i'd rather be!
SUDO
Really?
OTHER
Yeah, if I spent all my time with you... We'd both go nuts.
Other poofs out. Scene end.