13 miles



FADE IN:
BOBBERS and CLIFF-DOG are sitting on a couch and lay-z-boy respectively, watching tv.  Sound of title song of “Somewhere, Tomorrow,” at end of movie heard.  Bobbers jumps up.
bobbers
Cheese muffins!  What is this treacle tripe!

Cliff-dog uses remote to check the channel guide.
cliff-dog
Somewhere, tomorrow.  Sarah Jessica Parker, 1983.

Cliff-dog tosses Bobbers the remote, he throws it down.
Bobbers
DAMN YOU TELEVISION!

Simple comes out, approaches the camera.
Simple
That’s Bobbers for you.  He’s an excitable one.  Cliff-dog, he’s… not.  I, I am Simple, I’m your guide.
bobbers
This bag of chips tastes bad!  Probably cause I’m eating from the bottom.

Bobbers scrunches up the bag, opened on the bottom edge.
cliff-dog
Yes, because flavor, as we know, is effected by gravity.  And the chips on the bottom have the most flavor… Now, if you eat the bottom ones first, as you did, then when you get to the much less-flavorful top, now-bottom chips, they will taste even worse, cause you’re full on flavorful chips, and not only have you a better chip to compare any chip to, you’re also less hungry.  And as we all know, hunger is the best pickle, as said Benjamin Franklin.  And in case you didn’t know, pickles are supposed to add flavor to a meal in that they themselves are very flavorful, thanks to the pickling, and in those days refrigeration wasn’t what it is now, and pickling and salting were the only ways to go for preserving the flavor as well as probably whatever it is getting pickled or salted in the first place.
bobbers
EAT ME!

Throws bag at Cliff.  Simple, turning his head to the two of them, yells.
simple
Shut up, smoke some more.

All three look at each other, wondering “should they?”  Then in synch they move.  Cliff-dog pulls out the weed from the seat-cushion.  Bobbers reaches behind his couch for the bong.  And Simple produces the lighter from his pocket.  Bobbers blows out the ash from the bowl, over the edge of the couch.  Cliff-dog smells, inspects, pulls off a nug with a twisting motion.  Simple plays with the lighter, contemplating the flame.  Bobbers gives Cliff-dog the bong in his waiting hand, Cliff-dog doesn’t even have to look up, he puts the nug in and licks his fingers, then reaches out with same hand for the lighter.  He has to look up, and Simple then realizes and tosses him the lighter.  Simple talks to the camera.
Simple
Now, there are different ways to smoke weed.
Cliff-dog
There’s an understatement.

Simple turns to Cliff-dog, slightly annoyed.
Simple
I’m sorry Cliff-dog would you like to tell the good people?
Cliff-dog
With pleasure.

Cliff-dog doesn’t realize the camera though, only Simple does, and so Cliff-dog talks to his buddies.  But Simple often talks to the camera.
cliff-dog
But I don’t know if I consider you guys “good people.”  No worse than I, I guess.

Cliff-dog takes hit.  He looks like he’s about to start, but he won’t give up his breath.  Strained he speaks while trying to hold in.
cliff-dog
Well, it’s all cultural…
Simple
Sigh.  Literally.

He gets the bong.
Simple
See, that’s the problem.

Takes hit.  Rounds continue.
bobbers
Why talk when you can smoke?
cliff-dog
Why waste a good hit?
simple
Should we go no-cal?
cliff-dog
No, that’s so… solitary, not communal enough for my tastes.
Simple
See, in northern California, where weed is less a diversion from life and more their way of life.  Some families all get together and smoke like it’s sit-down dinner time, mom, dad, the kids…
bobbers
The dog, the cat, the turtle…
cliff-dog
The family that blaze together, stays together.
simple
Anyway, that’s why it’s weird to me that they go bowl-by-bowl.
cliff-dog
That’s because some people when they get the bong they don’t want to let it go.  It’s like how some people take longer to leave a parking space when they know someone else’s waiting for it.  When you do rounds, there’s always some guy who hangs on to the bong after his hit, seemingly oblivious to everyone else.
bobbers
Damn bong hogs!
simple
But bong hogs are just as bad bowl-by-bowl--if not worse.  They’ll take forever, waving it around like their scepter, king of the bong, using it to punctuate their many sentences.  Since bong hogs also notorious conversation monopolisers as well.
bobbers
Damn conversation monopolisers!
cliff-dog
Rounds are good for that too, breaks up the conversation.
simple
Assuming they’re courteous enough to pass it on.
cliff-dog
Further, it’s more weed efficient, I think, as you hold on to your hits longer, unless they’re chokers.
bobbers
Damn chokers!

Bobbers chokes right then.
bobbers
What the hell are we talking about?

They all laugh.
simple
I have no fucking clue.

Time passes.  In comes Steve.
steve
Hey.
All
Hey.

Steve sits, packs, and smokes in quick deft motion.  Sits back…  Time passes.  Steve jumps up quickly.
steve
What are we doing?  What are we doing sitting here, smoking weed, wasting our lives away when there is an harvested wealth of soft cushiony skin.
simple
That’s Steve, the romantic.
steve
It’s the turn of another century, do you understand the implications?  Why we’re teeming in cultural fears, and anxieties, and suppressions, and oppressions.  There are women out there, wanting a new revolution, wanting men of action of ideas and freedom.  We need to relocate first.  We need to go to New York.
bobbers
Why?
steve
New York is Vienna, is Paris, is London, is Hate and Ashbury, is…
Cliff-Dog
London?  What London revolution?
Steve
(agitated)
Beatlemania, I don’t, who the, what?
simple
Steve hates getting derailed, that’s why we do it.  Then again, sometimes its interesting to see how far his train gets before it derails itself.
steve
New York!  New York, you won’t take me off my course.  La Desmoiselles Avenon.  Fuck 20th century, its 21st century.  You get that?  You, you can draw, yes?
bobbers
No.
steve
Simple, you can write, right?
Cliff-dog
Haha, sorry, no.  Maybe one hell of a critical essay on Puncher and Wattman’s views of the auteur theory as it relates to the unified field theory.
steve
(pause)
Simple, you know music.
simple
I can play like 4 songs on guitar?  Well, five if you count We will rock you and We are the champions as two songs.
steve
Good, that’s all we need.
simple
…But I don’t even have a guitar.
steve
We’re going to do the same thing as the modern artists.  We’re going to break rules.  But what can we do?

Musical number:
steve
What can we do?
We’re all desensitized, nothing is true
there’s nothing sacred, nothing taboo,
nothing but nothing, that’s what the po-mos do, but…

We could smoke…
A lot…
Of…

All four get together, out of the seat, holding paraphernalia.
all
     WEED!

The pantomime as oppropriate

Cliff-dog gets out paper, pen.
Cliff-dog
     I could design the props.

Bobbers fakes sawing.
Bobbers
     I could saw some wood.

Simple gets out his guitar.
Simple
     I could maybe write a song.
Steve
     Sure, I bet you could…

     Come on boys it won’t be hard
     Bobbers can be quite a card
     Simple here will be our bard
     Cliff-dog will be our star

Cliff-dog happy.

     Well… Maybe not.

Cliff-dog sad.

     Everybody let’s get started
     So we may still get carded
     We’re mature if light-hearted

Bobbers
     Hey, Steve, you farted.

steve
     Shut up you, stupid pothead

Barbershop style:
all (but bobbers)
You stupid pothead.
steve
     Think about it, what they made
     Artist who played and got paid
     For sweatless effort in the shade
     And you know…
all
     They all got laid.

Dance around the room.
all
     We could make a musical and make lots of money
We could take our lives and exploit all that’s funny
     About our days and our nights, rainy, snowy, sunny
     Cause what we do all the time, and we do a tonny

One at a time, per word/syllable.
All
     Is smoke the best green in all of Californie.

They all collapse in seats.  Work quickly as smoothly to get the weed packed.  Time passes.
bobbers
I’m still not stoned.
Simple
That’s the problem with the third time of the day--if you’re lucky enough to have one--it's by far the least weed economical.  The amount you’d need to smoke eventually beats the amount you can.  That’s when you need to actually deal with life.
(to Bobbers)
Alright, a joint, and then…
steve
A spliff?

He gets dirty looks
steve
God damn nicotine oppressors.
(mocking)
Oh cigarettes are bad for me, they can kill you…
(making bong sound)
I’m all natural.  I eat granola and grow my own organic vegetables.  Why don’t you get it over with and sacrifice your testicles to the Vegan gods.
(gets tired)
Fuck, I need a cigarette.

Leaves to have cigarette.
steve
(as leaving)
In New York they’ll accept me.

Joint starts getting rolled.
Bobbers
Dude, I don’t eat granola or vegetables.
cliff-dog
Maybe he should get some fiber.
Simple
No, he just needs to get laid.
(beat)
We all do, that was more than a musical number back there, that was a moment of clarity, for me at least.  Chicks dig artists don’t they?  I mean, it’s either that or bulk up because there’s no other group that’s cool and not muscular.
cliff-dog
That is a good point.
bobbers
Pot-heads aren’t cool?
simple
Sorry Bobbers.

Steve enters, Simple lights and hands it to Steve.
simple
Steve, we’ll do it.
steve
Woohoo, alright, first step, move to New York.
cliff-dog
Can’t we do LA, it’s so much closer.  New York always seems so cold on TV.
steve
Yeah, but that’s pre-9-11.  Now everyone is warm and friendly.  It’s more than a catch-phrase it’s “the New York miracle.”  And let’s face it, there’s the foreigner effect when it comes to the opposite sex.
Simple
I think it takes come from another country with a deep throaty accent.
steve
Come on think about all those lonely urban girls surrounded by gays and dorky jewish guys.
bobbers
Hey!
Steve
No offense.  And I mean that to both halves you, even the half that’s wasp but still liberal.
(beat)
Now then, we ready to go?
simple
Alright now how are we going to get there?
steve
How expensive can a plane ride to New York be right now?
simple
Alright, well, I don’t need to be back to school until late September.  And that’s only if I want to stay a 6th year and do another minor.  Parents say its up to me.
bobbers
Have I mentioned lately how much I hate you?
cliff-dog
I got that MIT internship but that doesn’t start until…  I don’t know sometime, somehow I always find out in time.
bobbers
Well, I ain’t got shit to do.
steve
Then lets do this, I don’t need my fucking starbucks job, I’m only doing it until something happens.  And this can be it.  Alright.
simple
K.
Cliff-dog
Sure.
Bobbers
Whatever.
Steve
Alright, then, let’s do this people!

Long pause.  Time passes.
bobbers
Can we get some motherfucking rap going?

Cliff-dog gets up to start some gangsta rap, rap starts.
Steve
You guys start with out me?
Simple
What the fuck you think?

Steve gets out the bong.
steve
Alright, after this, we needs to get started on this.

More time passes.

Steve
Um, Cliff--
cliff-Dog
--I knew it.  Fuck you, I ain’t getting out of this motherfucking seat, you came up with the idea, you figure out how to do it Top Cat.
simple
Me neither.
bobbers
Shit, you know I ain’t.
steve
Come on guys, I can’t be Napoleon if you can’t be revolutionaries with me.
cliff-dog
Napoleon wasn’t as lazy as you.  You can’t really expect to fulfill your delusions of grandeur and megleomaniac desires and smoke the budda.
simple
Alright, now you all know I’m the lazy man here?

All nod in agreement.
Simple
But I am willing to do one thing.  And that is anything, to get laid.  Because, man, I don’t even remember what pussy tastes like.
Steve
Still tastes like pussy.
simple
Dude, what movie was that?
steve
Um, shit, Fletch lives?
(to cliff-dog)
But the line was food, not pussy.
CLiff-dog
Ah, thanks.  That makes much more sense.
Simple
How about this, I’m willing to believe the artist gimmick, but the foreigner factor is negligible at best, I mean, maybe if we were from LA, but New Yorkers aren’t going to be impressed with us coming from…
(beat)
We are talking New York city, right?
steve
I think so, where ever Manhattan is.  Or broadway, so-ho, whatever.  Whereever the world trade center was…  I don’t know around there.  Shit, these are just logistics.  Come on people forest for trees.
simple
Yeah, pussy, right.  My idea, we’ll find some here, some actresses for our musical…
(beat)
Is that what we’re doing?  And we talking stage or film?
steve
Dude logistics!  Forests.  Trees.  Pussy.
Simple
Right!  We get the chicks first, and then take them with us.  Women like men with destinations, and actresses probably are least sedimentary.  So let’s get them first before we go through all the trouble of actually going 3000 miles when we can barely muster enough to get up to go to the bathroom.
cliff-dog
Um, maybe we should actually write something before we start looking for actresses or booking tickets and theatres.
bobbers
Aaargh.

Bobbers gets up and throws a pillow down.  Bobbers gets agitated, Simple comes to his side, Bobbers shrugs him.
simple
The Jam!  The Jam!  Someone get The Jam.

Cliff-dog leaves, cuts the music, finds two very similar kitties, and comes back with both in hand.  Simple has a blanket over Bobbers, who seems like he is in shock.  Simple offers Bobbers the bong, he shakes his head.  Cliff-dog waits, then not sure which one to give, guesses and proffers one to Simple.
Simple
No, that’s The Joint!
He points to the other cat, the tag says “The Jam” (the other’s says “The Joint”).
Simple
That’s The Jam.  Quick, The Jam.

Simple gives it to Bobbers, who immediately starts petting him, and calming slowly.

Musical number, calm music comes in a la end of Deeez Nuuuts.
bobbers
     What can I do?
     I… can’t be faded.
     I’m a half-jew from the mothefuckin suburbs
     I… can’t be faded.
    
Rap beat.

     Now, I comes correct.
     When I say the effect
     On me of weed
     Be a bushel or a peck
     Is never more
     Than I can expect
     To be in store
     From what I recollect
     From before
     Which is never more,
     Than, let me check,
     After five maybe four
     Not days, hours, heck
     That is unless I’m poor
     Or at home wreck
     Though that I’d be, maybe, or
     Shit, what was I talking about?

     I still smoke it though
     And it’s still good
     I can’t be faded yo
     But it’s still good.
     My eyes journey mo’
     More than they should
     But still high, not low
     So, I’m still good.
    
     Maybe someday
     I’ll hit my limit
     Someday, there won’t
     Be no fun in it
     And then that day
     Maybe I’ll quit it
     But I’ll be high
     Till that last minute.

     Though, it is true…
     I… can’t be faded.
     I’m a half-jew from the mothefuckin suburbs
     I… can’t be faded.
All but bobbers
     He’s a half-jew from the motherfuckin suburbs
bobbers
     I… can’t be faded.

X3, then Bobbers repeats his line after each of the next:
simple
Props to Nate Dogg and the rest of the west coast.
cliff-dog
Cause the west, is the best, it’s a fact not a boast.
steve
I still prefer Dylan over songs about killin most.
Bobbers
Lighten up Steve, it’s the same leaf that we toast.

Last line:
bobbers
     Smoke weed every day.

Some more time passes.  More weed is smoked.  Bobbers is quite entertained by something on TV.
bobbers
Yes!  That’s so awesome!
steve
Nobody gets this but you.
cliff-dog
Well…  On some level, if you believe that level.
simple
Eh, it’s as old as the concept of comedy.

Another funny scene.
bobbers
Awesome.
simple
Okay, Steve, how do we get the women?
steve
Hmm?
simple
Get them, how do we get them?
steve
Shit if I knew that I wouldn’t be a hopeless romantic now would I?
simple
Yeah, but Cliff-dog’s right, we should get the women first, with the proviso of going to new york  Actually, getting women period would be nice.
cliff-dog
I’m ready for my getting-women period myself.  Did I say that?
simple
What?  That?
cliff-dog
What?
simple
You’re last sentence.
cliff-dog
I… think I know what you’re talking about.  But I don’t think I said we should get women first, maybe some off-hand remark in the heat of indifference…  Or… …
steve
Alright, I have a solution.  I’m not a master at the art, in as much as I could some how use my craft in a sphere grater than myself.  But I do know something about having a mindset.  Like, get with some “clubbin’” guys and they get you thinking pack mentality, getting the confidence chicks dig, and the chicks are drawn to them because they’re the first on the dance floor and just ooze that attitude.  Or something…  Anyway, the other guys are…  Um…  Oh the other guys are a  a part…
simple
Of another mindest
steve
Yes!  The other guys, of another mindset…  Well, come to think of it, they all have the same mindset, women are pussy.  Pussy is good.  Women like to give theirs, as much as we’d like to take theirs, and when we all get drunk who cares, right?  Well, they get it, and it’s not because nor despite their misconceptions but because of their insensitivity, women drawn to bad imitations--rather, imitations of their bad father figures like moths to flames.
bobbers
So we dress up like 50 year old men…  And for the fun of it, we…

Bobbers eyes roll back, his head falls back.  Steve looks tempted to disturb him, cliff-dog looks ready to aid--but Simples steadies them both.  Bobbers gets intense childlike joy, and slow smile goes across face.  Cliff-dog is about to speak, but Simple implores him not to (non-verbally), and Cliff-dog finally relents.  Steve just barely gets up like he’s going to do something to Bobbers, but Bobbers quickly and lucidly lifts his head up.
Bobbers
Thank you for not disturbing my serenity.  And for the fun of it, wear plaid and make cheesy golf jokes.  Or wear x fashion faux pas fad era and make y nerdy recreational humor.
steve
…Anyway, I know a guy.  Every time I go out with him, I get to the, to be vulgar…
bobbers
Pussy.
steve
Yes.
simple
Call him.
steve
Alright, but I don’t know, he’s not like charisma incarnate, he’s not like the charism figure.
cliff-dog
No, father figure right.
steve
Yes, exactly, and you’re trying to throw me off track, fine, try.
cliff-dog
No, I want to see this guy of yours.
steve
What guy?
cliff-dog
What?
Steve
You said, uh…
simple
Oh for Christ’s sake!

Simple picks up the cordless phone and throws it to him.
steve
Thanks, but I have it in my cell memory.
cliff-dog
DNA taking dictation that’s some memory impressive.

Steve takes out his cell phone, looking quizzically at Cliff-dog.  Bobbers is about to say something Steve quiets him down.  Simple motions to Cliff-dog the vaporizer signal.  Which is the right hand pantomiming holding a gun, barrel pointing down, and left hand pantomiming holding a tube to their mouth.  Cliff-dog understands and gets the custom-made case out, puts it together with the precision of an assassin, and puff after puff of pure white vapor goes out.  Sound of the heat-gun dominates the room, and Steve’s conversation is inaudible--Steve, of course, takes hits during pauses, though he is talking fervishly.  They all seem pretty normal, then like a wave fading the sound goes out, but Cliff-dog comes across with perfect clarity.
cliff-dog
The great thing about vaporizing is the delayed, longer, stronger, arguably better high…



Much later still.
bobbers
So…  What did he say?
steve
Hmm?
Bobbers
Your friend.
steve
Oh, he wasn’t there.
simple
I wonder what the girls are going to be like.
cliff-dog
I wonder what New York is going to be like.
steve
I wonder if we find love.
bobbers
I wonder if… we’re going to get fucked up or what.
cliff-dog
That is, if we ever get to New York.
bobbers
Man, it’s like a road trip movie. Around the bend, and at the end could be horror, or porn, or comedy, or horrorifically comedic porn, or action, or sci-fi, yeah, a sci-fi road-trip, but instead of a land-cruiser it’s a space-cruiser.
simple
Personally, I’m curious what Bobbers thinks New York is going to be like.
bobbers
What else?  Seinfeld… and urban jews… and they will call me their king!
simple
So you’ve gone from black, back to Jew?
bobbers
Anything but bland-o-lay extra-white.  Jesus.
simple
(authorative voice)
Bobbers, please, come to the white courtesy phone.

A hazy-smoke fade to white.


INT. – AIRPORT – DAY

Bobbers is talking into a white courtesy phone.  He is in a dapper, expensive, business suit.
bobbers
Yes, Mr. Faulkner, on your desk, tomorrow morning.  Don’t worry.

Bobbers walks over to Simple, Cliff-dog, and Steve.

Simple is dressed like a naturalistic hippie with a dash of street thug.  A shirt with pot on it, pants with pot-print, dreds, hemp jewelry (a big hemp chain with a big gold hemp leaf on it), a big rastafarian hat (with a plant growing out of the top) a boombox (constantly playing rap music), and a skateboard (with “420” in big gothic letters).   He also has a back-pack with two-conspicuous tubes coming out of it, both with small mouth covering attachments, fans in the back of it are blowing loudly.

Cliff-dog is dressed like a tourist in florida.  Bermuda shorts, tank-top, tourist maps, a walkman with a headset, ugly sunglasses, face sunburnt, and a fanny pack.  Steve is dressed like a new york yuppie.  J-crew chinos, ribbed black sweater, shiny black leather shoes, expensive watch, cell phone ear-piece attached to cell phone in his pocket.  (Along with his PDA, his beeper, etc.).  In his hand is a star-bucks travel cup, the other a lit cigarette.

Bobbers stops and looks at Steve.  Reaches in back pocket, pulls out a black-velvet beret, puts it on Steve’s head.
bobbers
Just got off the phone with the boss.  Now, you sure we’ll be back by tomorrow morning at 6 AM right?  Or I’ll lose my job.
simple
Duuude  Chill.

Bobbers looks around him, then looks to where the courtesy phone is, he sees his briefcase.  Suddenly, some MASKED GUY picks it up and takes off quickly.
BOBBERS
Hey!  That’s my briefcase!

Bobbers barrels across the terminal after him.  He chases him for a while.
Bobbers
Hey! Secur

Before he can finish, a big thug grabs his arm, and a SMALL THUG puts a gun to his back.
Small THUG
I wouldn’t finish that phrase if I were you.

ext. airport – day
Small thug, big thug, and masked guy are all standing outside the airport with Bobbers.  Masked guy still has his mask on.  Big thug still holding on to Bobbers.  People walk by, but pay no notice (as they never do in Bobbers scenario).
small thug
Now what could be in this briefcase that’s so important that you’d run after us and scream out for police, like you did, after we took it, from you, admittedly, but still.  Let’s see.

Opens it, gets mad, lets the papers fly out everywhere.
bobbers
Noooo!
big thug
Where’s the jewels?
small thug
Shut-up!

Hits him, turns to Bobbers.

Where’s the jewels?

Turns to Big Thug.

What jewels?

Big thug hits him.

What the hell, why’d you do that?
Big Thug
Well, why’d you hit me.
small thug
I hit you for being a lunk head.
big thug
What and lunk heads don’t have feelings?
small thug
No!  They just have heads full of lunk.  LUNK GALORE!
big thug
Why are you shouting at me?  What makes you think you can treat me like this?
masked man
He’s right, you can be a little hard sometimes.
small thug
I’m supposed to be hard.  Look I have a gun!  I’m a criminal!  It comes with the job!

Masked man turns to Bobbers.
Masked man
Oh, hey, yeah, I’d take the mask off, but you know…  Anyway, ignore him.  I understand you’re scared, but let me explain.  Now, first of all, we’re going to have to take you somewhere quiet so we can kill you, just so you know.
small thug
Why should he know that?
masked man
What?

Small thug raises his hand like he’s about to hit him.
masked man
Now, don’t you dare hit me.  Or so help me I will yell so loud that every cop in five miles will hear me.
small thug
But why?!  You’re a criminal too!
masked man
I will NOT be hit by any--
Small thug
Jesus, Christ, are you crazy?
masked Man
Don’t make me.  I will scream.
small thug
Alright, alright.  Jesus.

Bobbers tries to sneak away, small thug grabs him by his collar and pulls him back.
small thug
Where do you think your going!
Big tHug
Hey!
Masked man
Yeah, what the hell was that?
small thug
What?

The both hit him.
small thug
What the fuck!
Masked Man
Why’d you have to be so rough with him huh?  He’s just trying to get away, from you and your… bullying!
small thug
He’s trying to get away from us, US, do you understand that?  Cause WE are criminals, and HE is an upstanding young gentleman.  WE however are ruthless killers.  HE is an innocent life we’re about to take.
masked man
That is absolutely no excuse!
big thug
Yeah, no reason to be so mean to him.
small thug
Oh my god!
(turns to Bobbers)
Can you believe this.

Bobbers is again trying to leave, Small thug hits him over the collar-bone with his gun.  He falls.  Big thug is just in shock.
MAsked man
Hey!  What the hell!  Do you even listen to us?  Do our opinions--do we!--not matter at all to you?

Int. – APARTMENT – day
Steve interrupts.
steve
Yes, but what happened to me?

bobbers
What?
steve
I’ll tell you.
int. - airport – day
Steve is with Cliff-dog and Simple, dressed as before.
steve
Okay, first of all, I go here…

He walks behind the gate attendant’s computer terminal, the attendant (attractive female) smiles at him.
steve
I’m accessing a proxy IP through this terminal, by downloading a program that will also disguise both our IPs.  Now I’m using a file transfer protocol to give our GPS, our names, the time, and a brief message about the nature of our call to the website for the CCC.  I.e. The center for chronological continuity.  Who will then send a wormhole through this T-1 connection and brings us back to when this story was following some kind of chronology and continuity…  Cause anything can be done with the internet.

Strikes a key.