I had a hemmorhoid right?
no big deal, sure, it’s slightly embarrassing, but come on, we’ve grown up people, there’s a whole aisle devoted to the gross stuff women need to do.
anyway, I stop downloading porn long enough --  totally unrelated, but an anomally…  I’m usually continually downloading more and more porn –
to do a surf-dango around the internetivo.  No, there’s no cool way to describe it.
And learn I had a descended blood-clot, most likely being on the colon lining around the sphincter, and now protruding like the crowning head of a really small baby.  I’d say “ladies, now I understand your pain.”  But I’m not an idiot.
Anyway, the embarrassing part.  I go out and buy what they say, a big ol’ tube of Preparation H and some Witch Hazel.  No, I wish they called it “witch hazel” but they instead opted for “hemorhoidal medicated pad.”  Marketing genius, that’s definitely what I want people to read when they go in my medicine cabinet.
Maybe I’m paranoid.  But I’ve done it at other people’s places when I use their restroom.  If I’ve done it, one of you’ve done it, don’t lie.  And so now, for this one abnormally painful